Moving towards egalitarianism

Egalitarianism is the doctrine that all people are equal and deserve equal rights and opportunities. Merriam-Webster defines the concept as:
1. a belief in human equality especially with respect to social, political, and economic affairs

2. a social philosophy advocating the removal of inequalities among people

You'd pretty well have to be living in a cave not to have a basic understanding or familiarity with "women's studies" insofar as it pertains to academia. For those who do live in a cave, women's studies, as defined by Ottawa's Carleton University, is an interdisciplinary field of academic study that examines gender as a social and cultural construct, the social status and contributions of women, and the relationships between power and gender. Though Carleton's description does not specifically state egalitarianism as a desirable objective, I would have thought that anyone with the ability to walk and chew gum might have been able to intuit such an objective into this academic pursuit. Unfortunately, the cave-dwellers of Clyde, Alberta seem to have missed the mark in this regard.

A recent article, published in an Edmonton newspaper, detailed the curriculum of a women's studies option offered to grades 6 through 9 at Clyde's Eleanor Hall elementary school. According to the report, the course includes invaluable morsels of knowledge and wisdom such as "how to choose hairstyles and clothes that flatter students' faces and bodies, how to shop online, and ... the 'romanticized version of the history of women'." Moreover, students will undertake a nail care skills field trip, learn meal planning skills and, according to the syllabus, 'review dinner party etiquette and polite conversation'. I was disappointed to learn that the course failed to include knowledge on topics such as "losing weight after childbirth", "what beer to serve when his friends come over to watch sports" or "being nice to his mother, even when she's a bitch!"

I am thoroughly embittered by such a flagrant disregard towards egalitarianism. Why in the hell isn't there a Men's Studies course offered as well? Since the folks in Clyde are clearly about two centuries behind in their thinking, I feel it my social duty to offer them some insight into developing a new program, specifically for boys, with an aim to at least level the playing field. No Men's Studies syllabus could be complete without covering, at least, to some degree, these fine topics:

Why Dad is the Same as Mom: Only Smarter!

Christmas Gift Ideas: Vacuums, Washing Machines Or Dinnerware

The Rule of Thumb: Advancing An Acceptable Discipline Technique

She's Allowed To Work Outside the Home When the Dishes Are Done

Choosing Between a New Drill or a New Dress? Makita Rechargeables

Valentines Day Shopping: Glass or Stainless Cookware?

Why You Earn More Than She Does

Dragging Them By The Hair: Decorating Your Cave

My apologies to the guys in Alberta who don't live in a cave. I feel sorry for the two of you....

_{Submitted by Barry Umenema, 26 March 2017}